A Different Approach to New Year’s Resolutions
I don’t know. Is it so unreasonable to think we might have gotten through COVID differently? So that we weren’t afraid to fly and see loved ones? So that our numbers here in the U.S. weren’t spiking at record levels? I don’t know. In fact, none of us know anything about the future and we never have. We have only pretended to know, or to have a smidgen of control.
The future and control — that is what New Year’s Resolutions, those yearly, rarely achieved goals are all about. Did you know that by February most of us have failed at whatever it is we have resolved to do? We can read all we wish about forming habits (stacking, 30 days, reminders, rewards, and so on) but it doesn’t seem to help anyone except the publishing and content industry.
Why are we making the resolutions in the first place?
For most of us it is a belief that we aren’t enough, that losing weight (for example) will make us happier. Certainly, there are better ways to eat and work out. But if you think back to any goal you have ever achieved (go ahead, think on it right now) how long, really, was the lasting happiness? I feel like a terrible person writing that sentence — a dream crusher. It’s not to say that we shouldn’t have goals and dreams, it is only to say that they aren’t the point.
So, you ask — what is the point?
HOW we are. HOW we react and behave to the unpredictable, the joyous, the scary. The whole catastrophe as they say. If you think back on a time when you made a change to how you respond to the crazy world around you, perhaps there you can notice lasting change.
Following that logic, wouldn’t the best resolutions be ones that are more to do with how we conduct ourselves in the world?
Reflect on a time when you did or said something that wasn’t very kind. You might not have meant to inflict hurt but your thoughtless words or actions just weren’t helpful. Or maybe you are very careful not to hurt others but you have no qualms about calling yourself dumb when you make a mistake, or ugly when you look in the mirror. More often than not, when you look back sincerely on a time when you were less than kind to others or to yourself, you can feel sadness and hurt rise up can’t you?
What if you made the conscious choice to live a happier life? A life that was more easeful and free? One without recriminations or regrets?
What if this year your resolution was to be more compassionate? To yourself and to others? What if you made another to focus on clarity? Clarity of intention and expression? And what if another was to reduce the harm and impact of your actions?
Imagine a world where we made those resolutions as a collective. Please don’t dismiss that idea immediately (now, who is the dream dasher?) There are people all over the world deeply committed to these ideas and behaviors. You can be one of them.
Try this. Consider one behavior/response that you know would lessen your struggles and make a commitment to change it. Write your commitment down. That’s the easy part. Now, think of ways that you can keep this commitment top of mind. For some of you that means writing it in a planner every day and reflecting on how close (or not) you got to it that day. For some it might mean a sticky note on your computer. For others, it might mean exploring others who are committed to the same positive behavior — getting inspired and learning ways to deepen your commitment. Maybe it is all of that.
Don’t be afraid to pick something big, like being more compassionate to yourself and others. The surprise? It may be a “big” commitment. But it is lived in every small moment — in each choice that you make. One day, conscious moment by conscious moment, you will see that you have achieved what you were looking for in the first place. Freedom and happiness.
